I am so sorry I haven't blogged in like forever (about a week) I'm not very well at the moment. I keep being sick and going dizzy, but I'm at the doctors tomorrow so hopefully I will be feeling better soon. As I have mentioned a few times, April was always going to be tough for me. I have umm'd and ahh'd about whether to tell you all what I'm talking about and I decided that I owe it to you really, you are my amazing, loyal readers after all.
It's a very personal matter tbh, so I am sorry if you believe I shouldn't be posting this or if you find it upsetting etc.
Last August I found out I was pregnant. Myself, my fiance and both of our families were absolutely over the moon and couldn't wait for the new addition. I was never away from the hospital, because my diabetes started to get worse with pregnancy. I was put onto tablets and insulin and was very closely monitored. I had the worst morning sickness ever, but I didn't mind one bit - It would all be worth it. I spent hours cooing over baby clothes and reading pregancy books/magazines. My first scan was booked for 21st October and I was beside myself with excitement. The night before my scan I painted my nails in pretty stripes and laid out my clothes for the next day. Everything had to be perfect when I saw my little prince or princess for the first time.
So, the next day myself, my fiance and my parents set off to the hospital and waited patiently in the waiting room until my appointment. We couldn't wait to dash out after the scan and buy the baby's first little bits and bobs, I also had my eye on a cute little frame to put the scan picture in. We were called into the scan room and I was layed down on the couch, my tummy being rubbed with cold jelly. I was watching the screen anticipating seeing my little one, but it never happened. The sonographer said that perhaps I wasn't as far along in the pregnancy as I thought (12 weeks) so decided to do a vaginal ultrasound. I asked my fiance and family to leave the room, as by this point I think I knew that there was something wrong and I was in tears just wanting to be alone.
After what seemed like an eternity, the bad news came. I was diagnosed with a blighted ovum. It's quite hard to explain what this means, but basically a blighted ovum is a type of pregnancy loss where after conception, the fertilised egg implants in your uterus, but for some reason a baby does not develop. The gestational sac etc was still present and waiting to leave my body and I was asked if I wanted help in starting the process, but I decided to allow it to happen naturally. It took around 2 weeks to start and I have never been through a more painful experience, physically or emotionally. I had to go into hospital and stay overnight.
The months after have been the hardest time of my life, but I think I am finally starting to piece my life back together now. It would have been my due date last monday (30th april) and since then I feel like I have been given closure. Obviously, my recovery is going to be an ongoing process but I have the best support I could possibly wish for.
Thanks for reading.
Normal service will be resumed asap.